Sometimes in life you have the opportunity to meet your one true love. If you are really fortunate you will live long enough to grow a family together, build a safe and secure home together, live a life in service to others together, and grow old together while enjoying all the sacrifices, effort, and hard work you have put into all of it.
However, there are times when that dream created together, is impacted by unforseen events, medical challenges, special medical needs, and a life ended way to soon. This is where your faith is really tested and where, by the grace of God you dig deep for the strength to move on and not let your profound grief hold you back from living your best life. This is where you realize that you are now one parent, one grandparent, and now a widow. This is where you humble yourself to ask for help from others, despite your upbringing, to do it all yourself.
My parents met in Bible College. My dad graduated and became a pastor and my mom (who was studying elementary education) jokes that she got her “Mrs.” degree (because they got married) instead. They had 3 children, 1 with special needs (Cystic Fibrosis). Their faith would be tested with my sisters disease and their faith rocked by her death when she was 7 years old. No one should lose a child and yet here they were facing it. They had 2 other kids to raise though and so they rallied and forged ahead.
My dad started having medical problems related to his time in the Army and his service connected injuries. He battled PTSD and had a lot of medical problems (too lengthy to list). This forced him into a life of various trades just to keep the family afloat. My dad never knew a project he wasn’t willing to tackle. He was the carpenter, plumber, electrician, and mechanic in my parents marriage and home. However, his health continued to decline. It was a life full of even more sacrifice, selfless love, staunch advocacy, a fight for health, and an evolving tapestry of their faith. Despite all of the challenges, they both continued to serve others, often making meals and inviting people to their home when they had nowhere to be, especially during the holidays – they never knew a stranger. They battled his health and recovery together for 32 years before his body could take no more and he died as a result of the exacerbation of all of his injuries. The Cancer he had acquired from the chemicals he was exposed to had riddled his body, his bone marrow, and his brain. The doctors said they were astounded that he lived as long as he did. Faith and love can really carry a person far.
It was then, after death, that he was declared 100% service-connected disabled (something he had been attempting to get help with for years). My mom, now a widow, continued to be the strongest person I know as she endeavored to move on with life without her one true love. Her faith unwavering and a fierce supporter of her family (kids and grandkids alike).
By the grace of God my mom was able to purchase a house, with the help of my dad’s service-connected status (through Veteran loan). She saw it as her soulmate and God still taking care of her. Their first house ever owned, and that he would only see in spirit. My mom still gives him credit for her home blessing.
My mom continued to serve others: board member in church, youth ministry, as a volunteer in her community, Red Hat member, various gardening projects, and donating to various veteran causes and organizations.
In 2014 I was in a bad wreck and was in the hospital several months. My mom without even thinking jumped in and helped my husband and I with anything that was needed, including with our kids. She also became my caregiver alongside my husband once I was sent home to a hospital bed. I had to learn to re-learn to walk, bathe, dress, and rehabilitate. It has been a 10 year recovery process. Here is a link to her story about that experience: https://hopetbi.com/ramona-andrews-caregiver/
Then my mom faced her own health challenges. She survived a TIA (min-stroke) which led to her losing her sight for a while. Miraculously it came back. At one point she ended up with ANCA Vasculitis, double pneumonia and on a ventilator. She sustained some acquired hypoxic brain injury from that experience and has worked hard to forge onward in her recovery. Despite all odds, she survived. She still has some struggles, yet is thankful for life and ever gracious. She had endured numerous moral injuries throughout her life. Yet here she was…beating the odds and living by example. Miracles never cease and faith abounds.
My mom and our family have continued to successfully maintain the house for the last 15 years, even recovering from a house fire at one point. There are some much needed repairs though and adjustments needed to make it disability-friendly, and keep it weathertight and safe beyond what is currently available or seemingly possible financially.
Regarding surviving the loss of a child, surviving as a widow, surviving traumatic events in her life, and the ability to move on my mom says this:
“What I hope that other takes from my story – our story – is that if we can make it work, then so can you. You will have to sacrifice. You will suffer financially. You will feel scattered, inept, and completely lost at times. Time will slow to a point that it feels that it isn’t even moving at all on some days, weeks, or months. It is important though to stay focused on the progress that happens, no matter how small. Remain victorious. Utilize positive affirmations or prayers to support the sheer exhaustion and unknowns you will surely face.
Above all else, never, ever give up. Hope and Love are the best medicines. Always be gentle with yourself and the one you care for. The person who sustained the trauma will not be the same as before their accident, not in every way. Let me assure you, the caregiver, and those associated with that person won’t be either. Trauma changes people. You must be willing to face this together. You must be willing to have enormous amounts of patience, and be willing to learn.”
This is where you come in. Hopefully to help me pay it forward to my mom, for a life of service and selfless love; to help her keep the house safe and continue the legacy of selfless giving.
Plans for repair include:
- Upgrade all electric in house (as outdated and fire hazard)
- Replacing roof (over 50 years old and showing its time)
- Repair/Replace Chimney above roof (needs stabilized and repaired)
- Replacing all the windows/frames (many falling apart, damaged, no screens, etc)
- Replace stairs to basement (wobbly and unsafe)
- Put weight-bearing rails in place in stairwell (between 1st and 2nd level of home)
- Install 2 egress windows in basement (to meet code for a living area provided to others in need)