Life can be a crazy and unpredictable ride sometimes.
In the middle of all the chaos and cacophony, in moments of quiet stillness in my heart I have heard the Spirit whisper to me more than once, “Your day of healing will come.” And I believe that. Some day. One day. I will see improvements. Enough to loose the shackles of oxygen and IVs, rise up from my bed and wheelchair, and live a functional life. I hold to that. I cling to that. I have found a great deal of peace and strength during these most difficult days and years has come from clinging to that hope.
This week I found myself back in the ICU in the same hospital in Columbo where I had my gallbladder removed. I lost consciousness twice from life-threatening adrenal crises just in the hour and a half car ride to the hospital. Then my new dear friend and hired caregiver, Nisha, had to climb on top of me in the small backseat to hold my cervical spine (neck) in place to protect my spinal cord as I lost consciousness from spinal subluxations on the bumpy ride.
To say nothing of the significant and progressive issues at hand with my third spinal cord retethering in two years, my spine is currently incredibly unstable the entire length, which can become very serious depending on which part of the spine sublaxes, how severely it sublaxes, and where it compresses different parts of the spinal cord and cranial nerves when it does (which is often). Aryuveda is the ONLY path I’ve found any measure of spinal stabilization from.
In the US my only option left is to extend my spinal fusion, but that comes at such a steep cost in quality of life and never ending pain that I just can’t bear it. The fusion I do have gives enough pain, spasms, and loss of function in daily life that I just can’t bear the thought of living with even more. So I jumped on a plane and flew halfway around the world at two different US specialists’ recommendations to try and save my life. They both agreed it was not only my best bet but likely my only.
This current hospitalization came about as my doctors here feared life threatening gallbladder post-op complications as symptoms came on suddenly and intensely. Thankfully, those fears were ruled out early on. In its place we found multiple infections throughout the body (thank you immunodeficiency), yet unknown significant vascular issues throughout the body including near my transplanted kidney and in my neck (solving these mysteries becomes quite difficult with my life-threatening allergies to CT and MRI contracts) that are so severe they have me retching from the pain alone even while on pain meds, and a possible (another) CSF leak we need to investigate further, among several “lesser” issues on top, like needing to be evaluated for a root canal.
All of this came after two back to back rounds of COVID, followed by a serious gallbladder infection and surgery, all on top of month long ear infections in both ears that have diminished my hearing, compounding the language barrier. I was supposed to have already finished a month+ of Aryuveda treatments and been home nearly a week ago. Now I have barely done a partial week of Aryuveda treatments and am back in the ICU.
I’ll now miss Halloween and Thanksgiving with my family. I refuse to miss my son’s birthday and Christmas though, so no matter what pops up in this never ending medical whack-a-mole, I’ll be home by December. I just keep praying I’ll be out of the hospital long enough to get the Aryuveda treatments I need in time to leave. There is so much out of my control that these health trials have taken, I will not allow them to take more of these special moments together with my family. I’ve spent too much of my children’s young lives in hospitals thousands of miles away.
Some losses are just too great no matter the trade-off.
Hospitals in Sri Lanka work a little differently than in the US, especially for foreigners. You are required to give them your passport as collateral before you can be seen, even in the ER. You do not get your passport back until you pay your bill in full. You’re also not allowed to be discharged until your bill is paid in full. Each day’s bill must be paid in full on a daily basis. The care is top-notch, better than I’ve received as a whole in the US, but it’s a little stressful being held here until I can pay thousands of dollars in full. And this is my third hospitalization this trip on top of the expensive Aryuveda treatments which I’ve already had to pay for in full. And the $200 hourly charges of my American doctor talking to doctors here to coordinate essential care. Which with a case as complex as mine, is many many hours. This is not to mention the long ambulance rides to hospital, all my medications and medical supplies required now being here twice as long as expected, hiring Nisha as a live-in caregiver to catch sudden life-threatening situations in time, etc.
Everything is piling on in the tens of thousands and must be paid in full immediately. I don’t even know how I’m going to pay my hospital bill tomorrow. If I can’t pay everything in full, their strict policy states I don’t get my passport and I can’t be discharged from the hospital. Kinda high stakes.
We have done the best we can to keep up but have exceeded our limits and now with humble hearts, we ask for your help. With my never-ending saga of one medical emergency after another all alone, half a world away from my loved ones and anything familiar and known, I had the thought recently that I was having a “Job moment”. But then I quickly thought, “No, I’m not having a Job moment because I still have family and friends, so many dear loved ones in my life whose support offers me strength to carry on. I am blessed.”
Your love, prayers, thoughts, encouraging words, and service to my family have touched my heart and strengthened me more than you can ever know. I am so very grateful for you.
I understand times are tough all the way around. Every little bit helps. Be it money or a share or prayers or words of love, encouragement, and support. I chose this platform because it offers you, the donor, an instant tax break.
I’ll do my best to keep y’all updated along my journey as much as my body allows me to.
I have so much love and gratitude for all of you. For those who reach out. For those who remember me and ask how I’m doing. For those who have helped me and my family all along the way. For those who take the time to read my updates and posts and let me know they’ve read it. I can never forget those who have shined a light in the long darkness these health trials have brought me through while I wait for the warmth of dawn rising over the horizon.
Thank you! 🕯️
All my love and gratitude,
Lauren