As a large family we have learned how to help and support one another through difficult times. One of our sons needs just a little more help right now to get himself straightened out. He has improved in his current therapy to the point of being able to smile and interact without anger.
Whether with friends or “just us” we have had hikes, outdoor adventures and multiple camping trips. Short trips to the Florida Gulf coast to visit family and catch some waves! This is a picture at the Florida grandparents during an easier time of life as a family. A time we were celebrating our daughter no longer needing a wheelchair and being able to walk and stand without passing out. We know what it means to go through hard times.
Homeschool life has been fun! We had our first homeschool graduate May 2023 after 13 years of learning how to homeschool.Paul and I met through connections in the Baptist seminary circles – and I got what I was looking for! A Baptist man who loves God’s word. And he found treasure in a young lady ready to have a family.
21.5 years, 5 kids, 6 moves, 2 states later- we reside in the Upstate of South Carolina. 2 crazy dogs, the best egg laying chickens, and a canary are part of our family too.
We are asking for help to support our son. He is known for his sarcastic humor, his thoughtful questions and his interest in outdoor skills and relaxing playing golf. He has been a good friend to many and is well-liked in youth group and our Trail Life troop.
All of that started to change about a year and a half ago. He started dropping life long friendships. He became defiant and defensive. He engaged in self-destructive behavior and substance abuse. We pursued out patient therapy. He developed suicidal ideations and more dangerous behaviors. We admitted him to acute -care inpatient therapy after some explosive outbursts and again after what appeared to be major depressive disorder. Finally, we found a Christ-centered residential therapeutic treatment center. Capstone Wellness in Arkansas. We had high hopes he would be able to calm down, accept help, and share what his deep hurt might be. The therapists and directors were patient. They redirected, gave appropriate consequences, sought how to understand, and gave every opportunity for our son to thrive. However, over 6 weeks in Aug/Sept. he was not able to work with behavior management techniques in order to engage in Capstone’s therapeutic settings. He was not ready to “press the bar” of the deeper introspection required of this program.
We believe he is exhibiting emotional reactions and process addictions due to trauma. This self-inflicted shame and guilt over things he has been involved with brought him to a low point of considering taking his own life. We and he are starting to understand more of how the emotional processing, substance use, digital media, and other poor habits created a cycle of pain and use that he could not escape on his own.
He was removed on Monday Sept 15 from Capstone residential treatment. He had been repeatedly aggressive and unsafe.We had to make quick decisions for continued care. We chose to enroll him at Star Guides in Utah. It is a wilderness program designed to unearth the process addictions ( substance abuse, relational manipulation, and screen dependency are examples) , interrupt the developmental vacation (kid gets stuck in mind and stops maturing in how to handle the realities of life and choices and consequences in life), and then proceed with therapy and guidance towards healing, self-management, and owning one’s choices.
He is making progress in self-awareness and readiness for therapy. He has become a leader on hikes and knowledgeable about outdoor living. He is starting to have more self-regulation in difficult relationships . He has been able to set goals that show he does want to change. Over mid October till now he has shown the ability to stay calm when frustration/annoyances arise. He now (Nov- present) speaks in a more hopeful tone and a lot of the anger has begun to ebb away. Staff reports are consistently positive in how he is handling challenges and obeying authority.
Part of the restoration with Star Guides includes therapy and guidance for us as parents. It is intensive and formative for us to restructure in a way that welcomes our son when it is time for him to re-enter family life. In recent zoom calls our son has been able to engage in conversation with us in a positive way and explain himself honestly and show respect to us.
We miss who he used to be. Little glimmers would show through during this summer, but the dark storm cloud of anger or the withdrawal of depression was more often what we saw. We do want him to be able to return home. We are doing all we can to help him even when he does not appreciate or want to engage. He converses with us through letters. And also zoom calls with the therapist present. We are hopeful he can hear our heart in our replies, and see that we love him and want to know him and guide him through young adulthood.
We have sought scholarships, foundations, and other avenues of resources. Star Guides, where our son is now a participant, has allowed us a significant discount. We have not found another organization that will help fund this phase of treatment. That is why we are raising awareness and asking for help from extended acquaintances and sources. Please share our story in the hope that 1. It encourages others to reach out for help for similar situations. 2. We can be connected with organizations that have access to donors for teen health and well-being.
Our cost is $400/day. Paid in 30-day increments. We received generous private donations and were able to pay the first $12,000 after only 4 days of raising awareness with friends and family. We do not want to wear out our welcome with them! Will you join us in this endeavor to restore our son to right relationship with God, family, and friends?
Our next deadline is January 15. We will hopefully be celebrating his graduation by that time. But will have a small amount due to cover any days beyond January 7. We thankfully received a private donation to cover expenses for October. Another donor covered November completely ! We received private donations to complete the December bill. We are seeking to raise about $4,000 more to complete January.
Please pray for him!
Please share our need. But don’t just click “share”. How can you contribute to the LIFE of our son?
We are happy to answer questions or give character references, or character witness connections if needed. You can contact Stephenie (864)438-6170 or Paul (864)580-3218.
We have only sought out this platform to allow donors to help who need a tax-deductible option. If that is not your need and you want to avoid the 2.9% credit card fee through Stripe- feel free to find our Venmo or message us for Zelle.