Cancer Has Killed My Husbands Dreams !!

Here is our tragic story the best i can remember. My name is Melanie and my husbands name is Tony. All this happened when covid 19 first came about which makes my story even worse. Tony and i married March 25th 2008. We just celebrated our 13th Anniversary this week. Tony had spent 8 yrs in the US Navy. He worked as a civilian for about 8 yrs and went on to get a civil service job at  the Naval Hospital Pensacola in Fl. With his combined military and civil service Tony worked for the US Government for 42 yrs. Although Tony could actually retire he decided to wait until he was eligible for social security. Tony was 59 yrs old at the time and he planned on working for 2 more yrs so he could could collect full retirement from the government. The same government he dedicated 42 yrs of his life to that would take care of him the rest of his life, so we thought. So here goes the best I remember because I was in a state of shock for over a week. Tony came home from work on April 10th of last yr. it was a Friday evening, Tony went in our bedroom to sit in the recliner and relax before bed. Tony asked me if I had any Tylenol because he had a headache . I noticed he was talking very slow but his words were clear not slurred . After he took the Tylenol he said he felt dizzy and nauseous. I went to feel his head to see if he was running a fever and he was just starring of into space, he would not answer me when I talked to him. All of a sudden he threw his right arm straight up in the air and let out this long very loud moan. My God I thought he was having a heart attack at first then he started having a seizure. I called 911 of course. They took him outside and worked on him for over 30 minutes trying to intubate him and could’nt. I asked if he was breathing and they told me they were working on it. I was standing outside looking into the ambulance window. They transported Tony to the local hospital. I was not allowed in to see him for almost three hrs . The nurse came outside and took me in to a very small rm. She stayed in there until the D.r came. I knew it was not going to be good news. The Dr. asked how long Tony had been sick. I told him he was not sick he’s as healthy as a horse. The Dr. proceeded to tell me Tony did not have a heart arrack that he had a seizure. He said Tony has four large on his brain. The largest was in his frontal lobe and this more than likely cancer. He said they were still waiting on the MRI report. The nurse took me back outside where our children were all standing there waiting for me to tell them what was wrong with there father/step father.  How was I suppose to tell these kids the devastating news. I it lost I burst out into  hysterical crying to the point the nurse was holding me up. I could’nt even speak at first. When i was finally able to tell them what the Dr. said I had to add that the results for the MRI had not come in yet but we had to wait for the next round of news. Its 2:00 Am and its the coldest day we have had so far and we are all standing out in the hospital parking lot in 30 degree weather. What seemed like forever the nurse came back outside to get me. Once again I was taken in this Tiny rm with the nurse who by the way was absolutely fantastic to me and our children. she went above and beyond her call of duty. The Dr. came back in and proceeded to tell me that what  he thought was cancer had spread to both his lungs, liver and kidneys. He said they were transferring him out to a larger hospital that was better equipped to take care of Tony’s needs. The Dr. told me his prognosis was very bad. They finally let me go in and say goodbye to Tony I was in shock, this man who is now on life support was my rock.  The strongest man I knew The Ambulance paramedics were also fantastic. They let the Kids and a few other family members go into the ambulance one by one and kiss and say good bye To Tony  He went to work everyday came home and worked around the house, We foster disabled veterans in our home, we have been fostering for 10 yrs now. We take these men and women into our home and give them a forever home. They have physical and mental disabilities and some times this life of ours becomes challenging lol. Tony would take over from 4 to 6 pm everyday so i could go sit in my quiet rm and have a cup of coffee and relax. Tony cooked dinner most nights.  This was thr man who took care of me when i went through 10 surgeries most of them major. Now he is lying in a bed on life support. When he got to Sacred Heart Hospital they took me into a rm right away, A Dr. came in and asked me what i knew. I told her they told me he had four large brain tumors which were probably cancer they also said it had spread to his lungs, kidneys, liver and it looked like it was in his bones. She told me at first i could see Tony before they took him to ICU. She came back in and told me Tony had spiked a 103 fever and his lungs were full so the were testing him for covid, so for this reason I could not see him. She had already told me he was very very bad and to prepare myself for him not to wake up. The whole next week was a blur for me. I could not talk to anyone besides my family, i could’nt pay my bills i was totally helpless. Thank god for my family. It took one week of sitting at home by the phone waiting for a Dr. to call me and tell me what was going on with Tony. I finally got the phone call. I was told Tony ad stage 4 non small lung cell carcinoma. They said it had spread through out his body and into his bones. They told me Tony is starting to wake up nut they are keeping him sedated so he does not pull the life support tubes out. Tony some how managed to get the tubes out and took himself off of life support. He said the president was Regan and it was 1978. My god my husband is not only alive but he is talking. So now  I have to tell Tony that he has 6 months to live. All the plans he had were out the window in a blink of an eye. The huge shop he was going to build out back so he could restore antique cars, the cruise we were going to take, the front porch and kitchen remodel along with new floors in the house. All gone just like that. But Tony is alive, he’s a miracle. So lets fast forward to what been going on. Tony was forced to retire from his job at NAS Hospital after 30 something yrs. They made him medically retire out so because he retired 2 yrs before he planned this cut his retirement almost in half. He applied for ssd which he qualified for but you had to be disabled for 6 months so Tony would not see his first check until 12/22/20. Tony’s thrift savings plan lost 30,000 because of early retirement. Tony had taken out an insurance policy for 110,000 which he could have used for anything from vacations, supplement our income, pay hospital bills or personal expenses like mortgage, utilities ect. but because Tony retired before his 2 yrs they said the insurance will be cancelled. He didn’t have an option to keep it and not only would we not get the insurance money but we wouldn’t get anything we paid in on it. That was absolutely devastating. Thank you Mr. Government this is what you do to someone who has put in 42 yrs of service with you. His co workers all got together along with any or all gov. employees and volunteered to give Tony their leave time that would have carried Tony to retirement and they wouldn’t let them donate their leave. That I did not understand because Tony had donated some of his leave time to a co worker that lost their child. Thank God I foster veterans because that little bit of income got us through till his benefits kicked in. Tony has provided BCBS Federal for our family all these yrs also. Even though we have health care coverage we have co pays and about 10 yrs ago they added this lovely thing called co insurance. Sadly when all this happened we had not met our catastrophic  deductible so the medical bills keep coming in. Tony has 10 days of radiation at 45,000 a treatment. Then there’s ketruda every third week at 11,000. Tony’s latest Ct scan showed new growth so he had 5 more radiation treatments. Now he has started his second round of real chemo. We have always paid our bills and on time, Tony is a very prideful man and never has taken a handout but he’s there to give. All he wants to do now in life is build his shop and go on a cruise which neither is possible.  His 40 x40 shop is just a dream that he knows is not possible and he said he would be gone before the cruise lines open. My strong husband husband walks around in constant pain. The cancer has eaten the upper bone in his arm which is now broken and cannot be fixed. it effects his upper back and shoulder. There is no brace that would help so he walks around with his arm bent in half and pressed against his body so it doesn’t move, but he gets up every day and does what he can, He is still to prideful to ask for help. I love this man so much. All he seems to worry about is  if i will be taken care of when he passes because he thought i would get the 110,000 insurance money if something happen to him.  A few weeks ago He asked me if i thought he would be alive this summer. I tell him as long as we have the power of positive thinking. People with non small lung cell carcinoma have a life expectancy of 1 yr. Tony’s 1 year is April 10th. If you find it in your heart to help our family then let me thank you from the bottom of ours if not God bless you for taking the time to Read our story. If I can figure out how to upload pictures from my phone to this PC the I will add pictures. I have history repeating itself. 15 years ago I lost my Mother, my dog and my husband in eight months time. Fast forward 15 yrs and I just lost my beloved Yorkie Bella. Oh my God I am so lost without her now. She is the one I could tell everything to I have a 16 yr old Min Pin Lizzie that has dementia and I know I’m going to have to put her down soon and then there’s the love of my life. My mother told me along time ago that God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. Well Dear God I think I have been given  all  can handle.